King O The Midden

If you don't like to read about things that are rude, scunnersome, surreal, bizarre or just plain daft then this collection of Scots poetry is not for you. On the other hand this collection cannot be bettered if you love the versatility and wonderful humour of the Scots language.

This hilarious collection of weird, revolting and downright daft poems captures life in Scotland as it is today - that is, if you've got a warped sense of humoour and a parrot in your breid bin. So come and meet Sergeant Snoddy (fae Kirkcaldy), baldy-heidit Captain Numpty, exploding fairies, Shetland cuddies on wheels, a feartie werewolf and a hungry hairy mammoth.

Edited by Matthew Fitt and James Robertson, and illustrated by Bob Dewar.

Jeanie Deans

Jeanie Deans
Telt aw her freens
She wid niver tell a lee.
But when a smell
Escaped hersel
She cried, "It wisna me!"

"It was the beans,"
Said Jeanie Deans,
"That made that ill wind blaw."
They said, "Tak care,
There's mair hot air
Blawin oot yer mooth an aw!"
James Robertson

Shetland Cuddies Wi Wheels and Wi-Oot Wheels

Thae Shetland cuddies that are wi-oot wheels,
Fae their field o grazin will niver stray;
While a study of wheeled Shetland cuddies reveals
They are fund in a new field ivery day.
Brent Hodgson

Extracts with kind permission of Itchy Coo/Black & White, and James Robertson