The Gless Ee

You can play hunners of pliskies wi a gless ee because ye can tak it oot and pap it back in again ony time ye like. Ye can bet yer life Mrs Eejit kent aw the pliskies.

Yin mornin she took oot her gless ee and drapped it intae Mr Eejit's joog o beer when he wisnae lookin.

Mr Eejit sat there slowly sookin his beer. The faem made a white ring on the hairs aroond his mooth. He dichted the white faem ontae his sark sleeve and dichted his sark sleeve on his breeks.

'Ye're up tae nae gouid,' Mrs Eejit said, keepin her back tae him sae he widnae see she had taen her gless ee oot. 'Whenever ye haud yer wheesht like that I ken fine weel that yer're up tae nae guid.'

Mrs Eejit wis richt. Mr Eejit wis schemin awa like daft. He wis tryin tae think up a sleekit pliskie he could play on his wife the day.

'Ye'd better caw canny,' Mrs Eejit said, 'because when I see ye stertin tae scheme, I watch ye like a hoolet.'

'Ach, shut yer gub, ye auld carline,' Mr Eejit said. He kept sookin awa at his beer, and his sleekit mind kept workin awa at the latest ugsome pliskie he wis gaun tae play on the auld wumman.

Aw o a sudden, as Mr Eejit teemed the last drappie o beer doon his trappple, he catchit sicht o Mrs Eejit's awfie gless ee gowkin up at him fae the bottom o the joog. It made him lowp.

'I tellt ye I wis watchin ye,' keckled Mrs Eejit. 'I hae een everywhere sae ye'd better caw canny.'