Footie Shorts

On a bus back home from a match, a group of hungry Premiership footballers was having a conversation about favourite ethnic foods. Back in the day, football programme interviews inevitably showed players' top nosh as steak and chips, with the occasional fancy dan with his scampi. Not these days though. A shy player, new to the first team, piped up that his choice would be Chinese. He and his girlfriend would be eating out that evening: "What I really like most," he said excitedly, "is the animated duck with pancakes!" To find out which youngster – now a star player – made this daffy gaffe, you will have to get hold of Footie Shorts (BW), a collection of yarns put together by Stuart Turnbull.

This book is good for more than a laugh – all proceeds will go to the Muscular Dystrophy Campaign. There are anecdotes, shaggy dog stories and tales of embarrassment from pundits, players, refs, managers and celebrities including Rod Stewart and Billy Connolly. The Big Yin also turns up in a fabulous yarn about how he dealt with the stickler Celtic supremo Fergus McCann at a function where Connolly should have had a shirt and tie! Many of the best pieces come from fans from all over the UK (a newspaper article lead to Turnbull, who himself is affected by MD, receiving hundreds of letters).

Some of my favourite items were in the Referees section; it appears that a great many humorous situations on the pitch arise from the, er, lively banter between players and the man with the whistle. Amateur League referee Dave Edmundson tells of very nearly sending off an offender who repeatedly gave his name as Dave Edmundson until his teammates concurred. Elswehere, David Elleray describes dealing with delights such as Robbie Savage and Dennis Wise.

Footie Shorts is a fine collection for keeping by the loo and dipping into, or passing round with the kerry-oot and meat paste pieces on the fan club bus on the way to a faraway match on a cold Saturday morning. That some of your money will be passed on to charity makes it even easier to recommend to all followers of the beautiful game.